California residents, prepare for the worst disaster since Ashton Kutcher replaced Charlie Sheen as Martin Sheen\u2019s son (John Stamos~ Twitter Joke, slightly reworded.)
\n
\nThat\u2019s right. According to an AP report, a news conference was recently held to issue a \u201cdire warning,\u201d one month ahead of time to motorists who travel on Interstate 405. <\/p>\n
\u201c\u2026Don’t come anywhere near it, don’t even think about coming to it. Stay the heck out of here,\u201d county Supervisor Zev Yaroslovsky said at a recent news conference<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
The above would make a terrific caution sign, don\u2019t you think? Only problem is, by the time you read it all, you\u2019d be swallowed up by so much Tinseltown traffic, not even the Green Lantern could save you.<\/p>\n
That\u2019s why Yaroslovsky put on his noodle cap and came up with a much more gotcha, catch-worthy newsbyte: \u201cCar-mageddon,\u201d he now calls it. <\/p>\n
Personally, I have not heard such amazing wordplay since Carrie Bradshaw-Preston came up with an Inter-French-ion<\/em> in her latest Sex in the City\u2014I mean sex in the desert movie. I just betcha Sarah Palin is scratching her head wondering why she never thought of it! <\/p>\n
After all, why not invoke fear where you can, especially in a state that\u2019s still reeling from Arnold\u2019s shocking confession that he was not born in this country. All this time I thought, wow, he\u2019s so good with accents!<\/p>\n
What Yaroslovsky was actually referring to in his dire Car-mageddon warning is the July 15-16 partial closing of the freeway linking the San Fernando Valley and the Westside. As scary a prospect as this is for California motorists on the whole, I can\u2019t help but wonder how the little people in the affected areas will be dealing with this impending Car-mageddon.<\/p>\n
That\u2019s when I learned that Jessica Ayres, who commutes on the freeway to get to her job at a hotel, plans to stay close to home in Playa del Rey that weekend. ~ according to AP sources<\/p>\n
Thank goodness! I really don\u2019t think I could\u2019ve slept well, not even with my cascading waterfall machine or soothing gel mask on. <\/p>\n
\u201cJuly 16th and 17th, it will be an absolute nightmare,” Mayor Villaraigosa said in a parking lot overlooking the freeway.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
And in Tinseltown that could only mean one thing: A Nightmare on Elm Street! Whoa, that sounds even worse than Car-mageddon, cause at least in a Car-mageddon disaster you can always take the bus (Preferably not driven by Miss Bullock) or hitch a ride on Travolta\u2019s jet. <\/p>\n
Like Jessica, I think I\u2019ll ride out this disaster in my own state of North Carolina and entertain myself that weekend with funny news items on the next sex scandal to breakout. There\u2019s bound to be one I haven\u2019t seen before, perhaps involving a congressman and an Extra-terrestrial. <\/p>\n
Till then, drive safely and avoid car-mageddons and inter-french-ions at all costs.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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