Armed with Comet, I attack my toilet with a vengeance. Tough stains never saw me coming. With reverence, I place the trusty green tube back on the shelf, but I linger for just a moment in a surreal, Fellini sort of way, to ponder why the word comet keeps flashing its cosmic tail in my rear view mirror.
First, there was last week’s blog post on Mark Twain’s dramatic entrance and exit on Halley’s comet. And then on disaster Sunday, which aligned strangely with Mother’s day—Some cable exec needs to work out his mommy issues, me thinks– Anyway, that day I watched Armageddon, a film about a large meteor (cousin to comet) that is headed for Earth with Bruce Willis playing the cowboy sent to drill it to pieces to save mankind from extinction.
And today, I open my laptop and am immediately hit with a bazaar story floating around the web about a Russian comet that is the hideout for alien ships that will soon make unfriendly contact with the Earth! Holy Comet, Batman. I think I’m going to need a much larger can of powdery cleaner to flush out this crazy story. But I’ll do my best!
“There are two very suspicious looking trails behind the comet that lead the theorists into believing they were made by alien craft, hiding out in the comet’s tail.”
Somehow, Leonid Elanin, the Russian Scientist who discovered the Elanin Comet in December of 2010, is part of a conspiracy by NASA to keep the public from finding out that the comet is, in fact, an unfriendly spaceship headed for Earth. I kid you not! Reportedly, there are two very suspicious looking trails behind the comet that lead the theorists into believing they were made by alien craft hiding out in the comet’s tail.
NASA’s story and they’re sticking to it, is that the two trails are actually large stretch marks made by two stars from a tracking camera. Well, I always say, where there are large stretch marks, the birth of aliens cannot be far behind!
Actually, this was proven to all be part of a hoax perpetrated by a British newspaper on April Fools Day, but had originated from an Argentinian Astronomer named Sergio Tascano who first brought up the alien theory, which was then spread by Latin American Press as fact.
Hogwash. This is nothing but smoke and mirrors. Everyone here has really overlooked the man behind the curtain—and, for your information, it’s not a red, Soviet Iron Curtain I’m talking about, but a red, white and blue one. We all know where the true power lies. And it’s not with the scientific community, the government or any foreign press. It’s Hollywood, I’m talking.
And who is the face of Hollywood? None other than Mr. Steven Spielberg, of course. This was all a fiendish plot, planned many months ago by this alien hugging producer/director to sell his upcoming movie. I don’t know what it is he’s feeding his marketing engine–perhaps spinach—but it is certainly picking up steam and it cannot possibly be a coincidence that this Elanin Comet is streaking across the media just in time to promote his new blockbuster film coming out this summer called Cowboys and Aliens about a spaceship arriving in Arizona, 1873, to take over the Earth.
And, all of this on the heels of Nostradamus’ cryptic prediction that Mabus will soon die and the comet will run, heralding vengeance and famine.
“Mabus will then soon die and there will come a dreadful destruction of people and animals.
Suddenly vengeance revealed, a hundred hands, thirst and hunger, when the comet will pass.” ~ Century 2, Quatraine 62 – Nostradamus
Yes, that’s right. You’ve guessed it. Nostradamus was in on this too! Now that’s what I call studio planning. And Nostradamus lived centuries before they even had studios. Wow, Mr. Spielberg, you really are good!
There are plenty, I’m certain, who will continue to spread fear of a coming apocalypse as 2012 grows ever closer. I’ll leave it to them to do so. Though I’m intensely fascinated by the topic, and will continue to watch and read all about it, I think I’ll continue to focus on the silly stuff and leave it to others to eat cockroaches, swim with stingrays, or engage with their fear factor of choice, while I sit back, eat my popcorn and enjoy Spielberg’s newest flick out this summer.