Ants in the Pants

I don’t know if anyone other than me remembers this silly Hasbro game. Its object was to launch as many tiddlywink ants as possible into some starchy pair of plastic farmer pants. With much practice, I scored pretty high at this harmless game, but never once did I imagine the horror of ants in the pants becoming a reality. I mean, what kind of threat could ants possibly pose to anyone, except at picnics?

Of course, we do have red ants, and many who are allergic to their poison–such as hubby. He was once attacked by a swarm and his head blew up like a pumpkin. I was so panicked I phoned 411, instead of 911, for help. Luckily, his life didn’t depend on my sanity, and he recovered just fine, on his own.

But even hubby doesn’t really worry about red ants, so much, cause he can spot them in their mounds of dirt, they’re pretty slow moving, and can be easily wiped out in the yard.

But, what if a new type of ant was discovered, something more formidable, faster and bionic-like in strength? Something that could launch itself into our pants, if it considered us to be a threat, before we even had time to realize what was happening?

“Stand in the yard, and in seconds ants cover your shoes. ~ reported on 10/3 at www.foxnews.com

Yes, my friends, that horrible day has arrived when hairy, crazy ants have become a reality. They’ve recently been discovered in Texas, Louisiana, Mississippi and in Florida, and they could very well be coming to a pair of pants near you! They’ve already posed a threat to industrial sites, causing disruptions in pipelines and eating their way through containers.

These crazy, hairy ants are like super ants on speed and did I already mention they’re hairy? A hairy abdomen is never a welcome sight, not even on Alec Baldwin. So, what can we do to stop these ants from getting in our pants?

“A camper’s metal walls bulge from the pressure of ants nesting behind them.”

Let’s turn our attention to the expert, for some advice. And his name is…Rasberry? I swear you can’t make this stuff up. Yeah, that’s right…Exterminator, Tom Rasberry is credited with discovering the first species in Texas. “Control is expensive,” he says, “ranging from $275 to thousands of dollars a year for the 1,000 homes he’s treated in the past month.”

Supposedly, the crazy, hairy ants are native to South America, but have hitched a ride in hay bales, coming through on trucks and on container ships. Is there no stopping them? I already sleep with the lights on. Now, I’m going to have to ditch the hubby and sleep with an exterminator!

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